Argo (2012)

Directed By: Ben Affleck

Written By: Chris Terrio (screenplay), Joshuah Bearman (article)

Starring: Ben Affleck, Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin and John Goodman


You can bullshit your way through anything.


I saw this movie as an ode to Movember. The centerpieces of Argo are the fantastical mustaches that adorn the faces of several characters. These weren’t little ratty prepubescent fuzz balls; these were the manliest of face muffs you can imagine. This made it for me, the rest is just icing.

I am not sure if I can forgive Ben Affleck for Gigli, but times have changed. Here, he made a very tolerable film that has an engaging story. He also cast some Hollywood heavy hitters like Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin and John Goodman. These guys put on a good show and kept me entertained. The back and forth between Arkin and Goodman was classic.

I think Affleck did a great job of creating a suspenseful atmosphere that put you in the crux between mob and hostage. The details that were put into recreating 1980s Iran were flawless and the mobs were down right frightening. He also used real found footage and mixed it into his dramatization in a seamless barrage of historical embellishment.

That being said, there were story lines that were left to the audiences imagination in lieu of more interesting characters and the sap hung heavy on the the tree if you know what I mean? It’s all about the mustache.

Problem: It all seemed way too easy

Mood for watching: Canadian

What to eat and drink: Beans and maple syrup

If I made it: I would have used maple syrup instead of Hollywood sap

Why watch: Because it is your Movember duty and you can also donate to my amigo Fredy


Detachment (2011)

Directed By: Tony Kaye

Written By: Carl Lund

Starring: Adrien Brody, Christina Hendricks, James Caan, Lucy Lui and Marcia Gay Harden


Being an educator is some tough ass shit, yo.


Who remembers American History X? That crazy skinhead movie? Anyone? That movie was a powerful artistic expression of violence that I had not seen before. Remember the curbing scene? Tony Kaye pretty much put Ed Norton’s name on the map with that. So, when I came across this film I was expecting big things. Adrien Brody is no slouch and neither is the rest of the start-studded cast. In the end they got was a halfway decent film that had a rather unconventional method of story telling.  Who needs convention anyway? Some people, but not this guy.

There were moments where I felt like Kaye was on his pulpit preaching at me like a southern evangelist hell-bent on debunking evolution. Teaching delinquents is unrewarding! Amen! Teenagers have it tough! Halleluiah! So much sadness in the world! Praise the mighty lord! I guess the message is way better that the gentle stroking of Dangerous Minds that answered its entire question by throwing in a catchy Coolio song.

This isn’t for everyone but what is? If you keep your mind open and want to see some great acting then throw caution to the wind. If you’d rather hear the sweet sounds of Coolio then re-watch that ‘classic’.

Problem: Tim Blake Nelson needs to say more

Mood for watching: Flaky

What to eat and drink: Lentil Soup

If I made it: I’d chop a few of the characters like they were suey

Why watch: Because Coolio isn’t in it

Lawless (2012)

Directed By: John Hillcoat

Written By: Nick Cave (screenplay) and Matt Bondurant (novel)

Starring: Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain, Shia LaBeouf and Guy Pearce


If you make inebriating substances illegal, people will die.


This film comes at time where the public seems to be interested in the bootlegging of 1920s USA. Is there some kind of comparison that can be made between the organized crime of that time and the modern day drug cartels? Just make it all legal or tax the hell out of it and people will sort themselves out. Good solution? I have no idea, but it seems to work with the devil’s brew.

What this film does differently is cover the life of bootleggers not in the big city but rather in the depths of the country. This gives the film an interesting angle on the roaring ‘20s and different than the one we’re used to (think Boardwalk Empire).

What surprised me most about this film was that I didn’t hate Shia LaBeouf or Shia The Beef, as I like to call him. He was okay and that is good enough for me. He couldn’t touch Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain or Guy Pearce who we all amazing.

I give John Hillcoat a nod because I think he’s a great director. I don’t think Lawless is nearly as good as his film The Proposition, but I could see why he’s going in this direction and I like him and Nick Cave working together. They will do some damage in the future.

I’ve managed to say absolutely nothing. Enjoy!

Problem: The Beef was in a few too many scenes

Mood for watching: Drunk

What to eat and drink: Kale and Moonshine

If I made it: More Gary Oldman and cowbell

Why watch: Because liquor is quicker

The Master (2012)

Directed By: Paul Thomas Anderson

Written By: Paul Thomas Anderson

Starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Joaquin Phoenix and Amy Adams


If you wake up in a place you don’t recognize, get the shit out of there.


P.T. Anderson is the Michael Jackson of the film industry, save for the weird kid stuff. He manages to release hit after hit while increasing the complexity of his work. Maybe this time it’ll be his Oscar?

I always talk about acting since it is the center of the art. This movie is chock-full of talent popping off the screen and burrowing a hole into your brain. Philip Seymour Hoffman is gripping. He is such an amazing actor but it’s hard to put your finger on what it is that makes him amazing. He’s not a Daniel Day-Lewis whose face almost morphs with the character. PSH almost always looks the same (except for Capote and Flawless), he just sells his commitment to the role. Joaquin Phoenix has redeemed himself with an amazing physical performance from his hunch to the way his lips hang. This is his gift to his audience after that debacle, I’m Still Here. Finally, hats off to Amy Adams who can convey so much anger and frustration through a single facial expression – she lets you read her mind.

Sure there are moments that drag you down, but they just give you a chance to explore the subtext. The Cinematography is beautiful; Mr. Mihai Malaimare Jr. who is a relative newcomer handled PT’s film quite well in the absence of Robert Elswitt.

This film left me feeling like I need to watch it again, which is a great sign. The many layers of the movie are incredible – every move in the movie seems to tell you something (e.g., like the way a character picks up a hat) – there is no way to fully wrap the brainsicle around it. The end result is a movie that makes you think.

Go see this piece of genius and prepare to be taken back to a Post WWII landscape. Finally, great music courtesy of Johnny Greenwood, shpanks!

Problem: Difficult story to wrap up

Mood for watching: Cray cray

What to eat and drink: Spotted dick and an Old Fashion

If I made it: I would have added a few more scenes

Why watch: Because you enjoy all things good

Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977)

Directed By: George Lucas

Written By: George Lucas

Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Alec Guinness and Carrie Fisher


The hardships of moisture farming amidst a complicated political galactic landscape.


This is a very difficult movie to review. It is a beloved favourite of many, but also has a strong cultish opposition to those who prefer a more complicated style of Science Fiction. So, right off the bat I’m going to say that I am in the “Star Wars is rad” category.

In the 70s, there emerged a new style of American cinema, the Hollywood Blockbuster. Although Star Wars is not the first, I think it exemplifies a grandeur that had not been seen at that point. That is why everyone lost their shit when it came out and why many continue to watch it and loose their shit.

This film really has it all. Strong acting, amazing special FX for the time, a larger than life soundtrack, crazy sets, a palatable story and beautiful cinematography.

What struck me this time around was how great the soundscape was. I recommend watching it with good speakers blasting in surround sound.

I’m not saying that George Lucas was at all original with anything in this movie. The Jedi philosophy is all too similar to Buddhism and John Williams definitely ripped a lot of his famous score from Gustav Holst’s planets. That being said, he took all of these unoriginal ideas, including the story line and mashed them together to create something so amazing and creative.

Problem: The newer episodes couldn’t live up to the old

Mood for watching: Forceful

What to eat and drink: Wamp Rat and Yoda Soda

If I made it: There would be a few more Vader scenes

Why watch: To connect with your inner child

The Campaign (2012)

Directed By: Jay Roach

Written By: Chris Henchy and Shawn Harwell (screenplay)

Starring: Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis and Jason Sudeikis


Super Packs are like performance enhancing drugs; they help you win the race.


Lame… Not funny enough… Sad… Waste of talent…

These are the words that I muttered to myself while watching this poor excuse for a comedy. Apparently the film is over an hour and a half long, but there is, at best, 8 minutes of funny. Is that what cuts it these days? I would rather have watched those 8 minutes on YouTube and spent the money for the ticket on 2 pints of beer and watched people getting hit in the groin with various blunt instruments.

What makes me disappointed by this waste of celluloid is that comedic talent like Will Ferrell doesn’t come along every day. That man is every shade of hilarious and even he couldn’t carry this film. Zach Galafsnackis is also funny and his contribution was nothing more than a desert oasis. So who screwed up? I go to the source, the script.

Shawn Harwell wrote for the show East Bound and Down, which is a knee slapper. How could he screw up this badly? The trailer had Will Ferrell punching a baby! That was hilarious. Maybe the studio watered it down? It’s hard to believe that happened, it was definitely on the filthy side of comedy. So what was it?

Pointing fingers and getting to the bottom of the suckage isn’t helping it suck less. If you were on the fence about seeing this movie, stay on the side of not seeing it and put up some barbed wire to warn others.

Problem: John Goodman and Brian Cox are too talented for this film

Mood for watching: Ticklish

What to eat and drink: Mushrooms and coffee

If I made it: It would be funnier

Why watch: Because you made a mistake and didn’t read this review

Savages (2012)

Directed By: Oliver Stone

Written By: Shane Salerno, Don Winslow & Oliver Stone (screenplay)

Starring: Aaron Johnson, Taylor Kitsch, Benicio Del Toro and Blake Lively


Stoners vs. Mexican drug cartel. A new take on “The Tortoise and the Hare”.



I keep going to Oliver Stone movies hoping that I’ll get to see another Natural Born Killers or Platoon. Is the Oliver Stone that directed Savages the same guy who directed those beauties or is this Oliver Stone, the used car salesman with the same name and mistakenly was asked to direct a piece of schlock, filled with attractive Hollywood B-listers and only a sprinkle of actual talent (Benicio Del Toro) to try to legitimize this piece of shit movie? I’m not even exaggerating, it‘s excrement.

The script is filled with dialogue that is fit for an imbecile. The 3 main actors that deliver the script stink of imbecility. Aaron Johnson, Taylor Kitsch (forever Tim Riggins) and Blake Lively are a disgrace to the craft acting, but not to the eyes, that’s for sure.

The cinematography is pretty damn good and has all the polished elements of Hollywood. The violence in the film keeps the audience’s attention because we all like to see gunfights and asses being kicked. This is the Hollywood machine at its finest – lacking substance but looking pretty. Thanks for nothing, Ollie.

I will patiently await his next biopic, “Obama! Don’t Get Any On Ya”.

Problem: Tim Riggins

Mood for watching: Asleep

What to eat and drink: Carne asado and Tecate

If I made it: I would have written a protagonist that could actually fight a Mexican cartel

Why watch: Don’t