Directed By: Brad Bird
Written By: Josh Appelbaum and André Nemec (screenplay)
Starring: Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner and Simon Pegg
I swear we didn’t blow up the Kremlin!
I don’t know the origin of, or the reason for the action-genre comedic one-liner, but I wish it didn’t exist. Okay fine, if your name is Schwarzenegger then you get a free pass, but his dialogue was like that because he didn’t speak English too good. This craptastic action flick was full of them and it had me pulling my hair out.
The acting was lackluster, save for Jeremy Renner who stunk up the screen like a moldy dish sponge. Tom Cruises’ performance was reminiscent of his role in Top Gun as “Maverick” – he has played the same guy since ‘86 with the exception of Tropic Thunder and Magnolia.
The storyline was weak at best and the entire film felt like an ad for Apple. What I took away from this was; if you own an iPhone or an iPad, you’re pretty much qualified for the Secret Service or some other elite spy squad.
The most confusing part was the fight between the two women in the film. How can they kick so much ass in dresses that are so short and heels that are so high? Is this another pre-requisite for accepting missions that are impossible? And if these missions are so impossible, why do they always complete them?
Problem: Simon Pegg wasn’t funny
Mood for watching: Distracted
What to eat and drink: Abalone and a chocolate Frosty
If I made it: The Russian guards would be a lot tougher
Why watch: Tom Cruise doesn’t age